Retail Hell

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Retail Hell by Freeman Hall

“‘I think you left these behind,’ I said, handing them to her. This happens all the time when women try to return bags they’ve used. Tampons, lipstick, coins, Tic Tacs, and condoms are the top treasures found.

Greasy let out a sigh, as if I were the problem. ‘I was just trying my things in it. I really don’t see what the problem is here. It’s none of your business what I keep in my handbag.’

It is when my commission is at stake! I’m not your Designer Handbag Rental Service! My name is not!

Enter Freeman Hall, an aspiring screenwriter who sets out to realize his Hollywood dream, but instead plunges into the seventh circle of Retail Hell when the rent comes due, selling animal-hide Hobos and overpriced clutches to Lookie-Loos and Picky Bitches-but always with a sunshiny smile.

Freeman toils in the handbag (that’s handbag, NOT purse) department of the Big Fancy department store, where he sees, hears, smells (and unfortunately, feels) it all! Here, he provides a true-and truly shocking-account of life from the other side of the handbag display. From early-morning RA-RA RALLIES to the craziest crazy-lady customers, Freeman’s horrific and hilarious workday tales redefine Juicy Couture.

As Freeman begins to plots his escape, he realizes that despite the Big Fancy’s lax return policy, for him, there really may be no returns . . . no exchanges . . . no way out.”

Personally, I think anyone who has ever worked retail will love this book. Having been in retail for a lot of years now, I can completely sympathize with Hall. I even have many similar stories. Customers who use employees as their personal shopper for hours on end only to leave the store without making a purchase. Customers who want to return the pair of shoes they bought 3 years ago and wore until they fell apart. And of course, the customer who mistakes the fitting room for the bathroom. *sigh*

You may think that Hall’s stories are fabrications, figments of his own imagination. But I can assure you, these stories, while they may have been embellished here and there, are hilariously, and a little sadly, 100% true.

4 stars

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