Rancher’s Remorse (which is what I felt after reading it)

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Rancher's Remorse (Culpepper Cowboys #2)Rancher’s Remorse by Merry Farmer
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

Okay. *sigh* So when I finished this book last night I was literally mad. Like pissed off. (And I do not use the word literally unless I mean it.)

I started reading this series because the next book in the River’s End series doesn’t come out until next week and I’ve always been a fan of Kirsten Osbourne and the series’ that she writes with other authors. When I was reading the first book in the series, Wyoming Wedding by K.O., I started to have some misgivings about the series in general but I was so excited to find a series with like 15 books in it that I overlooked the fact that the lead male called his manly bits his ding-a-ling upon first meeting his so-to-be-bride. I should have just stopped right there. But no, I was bound and determined to give it the benefit of the doubt. And then he did it again. A few times. Anyway, I finished that book even though it irked me and started the second one, hoping that the series would redeem itself. It didn’t. Which just annoys me to no end because the premise is good!

So, Rancher’s Remorse… Where do I begin? Basically both the male and female lead characters in this story were so stupid that I’m pretty sure if they were real people they wouldn’t be smart enough to live. Like they might forget to breathe. That’s how dumb these characters are. It was actually painful to read. I’m including spoilers here so if you plan to read these books you might want to go away now.

Let’s start with Faith, the second sister in the Quinlan Quads. She makes dolls. Super realistic dolls with porcelain limbs and faces that she sculpts and then fires in her kiln. These dolls have apparently swept the nation and now her business is famous. She repeatedly tells her idiot husband, Cooper, that she makes dolls and that she has a kiln being delivered any day now but for some reason he thinks the kiln is like a glorified crock pot and that the dolls are rag dolls. She is scared to tell him about her business for some reason that I never quite understand.

Anyway, Faith is also under the delusion that she can’t have children because of using her kiln. Apparently, her creepy and borderline abusive mother took her to the doctor and had the doctor tell her that because she was working outside the home making these dolls and selling them on the internet, that the kiln had dried up her womb. And she believed them. Despite the fact that this story does not take place in the 19th century. This is contemporary fiction. Meaning it’s happening now, in current times. So this modern woman, who knows nothing about sex but is somehow familiar with porn, went to college and has access to the internet yet she never googled whether or not using an electric kiln would shrivel up her baby factory?!

And Cooper! Lord, let me get to Cooper. This man is so crazy that he must be “out of bed by 530, in the shower by 531, out of the shower by 538, bed made by 541, dressed by 545, and at the table eating breakfast by 550.” Because cows.

Then, then!, he decides that the big secret Faith is keeping from him isn’t that she’s head of a national brand of dolls, nope, he decides that she’s stealing babies and selling them on the black market. And the next logical thought is that Faith’s sisters and Cooper’s own mother are helping her. Because obviously he thinks so poorly of his sweet mother that he assumes she could be coerced into selling black market children by four women she met less than a month ago! At one point he even thinks that perhaps she is mailing the babies in boxes through the post office. He actually storms into a cafe and accuses his wife of stealing and selling children out loud in front of other people.

In the end Faith learns the error of keeping secrets and Cooper learns the error of jumping (or leaping headfirst) to ridiculous conclusions. Oh, and that nonsense about Faith’s withered up lady bits is finally revealed as hogwash when Faith ends up knocked up within weeks of getting married. So yay for morons breeding and having more moron babies; that’s just what the world needs, fictional or not.

Basically I was so mad at the end of this book that I wanted to throw my kindle across the room. Had I been reading an actual book and not my precious electronic device, I would have happily thrown it against the wall. I’m sure some of the other 13 books in the series are good or have some redeeming qualities, but if they do I’ll never know because I will be damned before I read another book in this series. I feel like both Wyoming Wedding and Rancher’s Remorse were written by middle school girls during lunch in a Lisa Frank spiral bound notebook with pink and purple glittery gel pens. (not that there is anything wrong with Lisa Frank notebooks or glittery gel pens.) I kind of feel like even though this book was free with Kindle Unlimited, like Amazon or the author should refund me anyway.

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Backstage with the Original Hollywood Square – DNF

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Backstage with the Original Hollywood SquareBackstage with the Original Hollywood Square by Peter Marshall
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I grew up watching Hollywood Squares and loved it. It was definitely one of my favorite games shows and as an 80’s kid I was a game show junkie. I was excited when I found this book on Kindle Unlimited but at 24% done, I’m adding it to my DNF shelf and giving it up. I am bored. to. death. reading this book. It’s not that I was expecting any shocking revelations or anything but this book is as dry as Aunt Suzy’s meatloaf. I’ll stick to finding old clips of Squares on Youtube.

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